Second Chances
by Mia Skywalker
Summary: We know from the Bardock Special that Celipa and Toma were a couple. But how did they get together? And what was their relationship to Bardock? (And if you don't know they're a canon pairing, you weren't watching the Bardock Special carefully.)


**TITLE:** Second Chances  
**AUTHOR:** Mia Skywalker (miaskywalker@gamebox.net)   
**PAIRING:** Toma/Celipa  
**RATING:** PG   
**WARNINGS:** Death/Angst   
**DISCLAIMER:** DBZ and the characters of Toma, Celipa, Bardock, King Vegeta, Kakarotto, Totepo, and Panboukin are owned by FUNimation, Viz, Toei, and Bird Studios, and were created by Akira Toriyama. I make no money off this fic, and never intended to. This fic is just to explore a POV and romance that was only hinted at in the Bardock Special.   
**ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: **Thank you to Lady Macbeth, ZabJade (VegetaPet), and Lady Lark for beta-ing this. An extra big double Thank You to Zab for being my sounding board when I was desperate and exhausted at 2am and couldn't think how to word things. Also Thank You to djFusion for doing her contest, and so giving me the idea of writing about this particular pairing. (I don't know if I ever would have otherwise.) I've never seen a fic focusing on this pair, although they're sometimes mentioned briefly in other fics, so I love having the chance to finally write this.   
**SUMMARY:** We know from the Bardock Special that Celipa and Toma were a couple. But how did they get together? And what was their relationship to Bardock?   
**NOTES:** This is a side story to a fic that Fusion, Kichi and I are working on together. There are hints of the other story in this - such as Bardock's back history with King Vegeta - but they are unnecessary to know in order to read this fic. This is a completely stand-alone fic, but if you read the other, this will enhance it. (Don't worry, the other hasn't been posted anywhere yet, because we're not far enough into it to do that yet.)

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Second Chances

  
**_

By Mia Skywalker

_

I still remember the first day I met him like it was yesterday. I think it was the probably the most important day in my life, although he wasn't the most significant thing to happen at the time.

Everything changed for me that day.

I had been ordered to go to the military headquarters in Ikuseisaibai to meet my new commanding officer. I approached the impending interview with mixed feelings of anticipation and trepidation. The second feeling was one that was unfamiliar to me. I had no idea why I had been chosen, and there was so much hearsay floating around regarding the commander that I was uncertain what to even expect.

As soon as they had learned of my new orders, the members of my previous team had pointedly informed me of every tidbit of gossip circulating about him. The rumours were many, and sometimes contradictory: That my new commander had once been the king's lover, but had fallen from grace; that he was still the king's lover, and his position was due solely to the king's favor; that he was a criminal, a traitor who had betrayed the king in the worst way, and had no morals or honour; that he was the strongest Saiyajin on Vegeta-sei, stronger even than either the king or the heir, and the king hated him for it; that he wasn't even Saiyajin, but an alien who had somehow managed to worm his way into their military.

I had doubts about the veracity of most of these tales. I didn't believe anyone could be stronger than the king, and certainly not stronger than the heir; he was the Legendary, after all. As for him being a traitor or a criminal, all I could do was snort in derision. A traitor would have been executed immediately, and no criminal was ever allowed to advance above the rank of Private.

As for the other rumours, I had no idea what to expect. But as I reached my intended destination, I knew it wouldn't be long before I knew for certain whether he was Saiyajin or alien, at least.

As I stepped into the small conference chamber, my immediate sense was one of tightly leashed power. My eyes scanned the men already in the room. There were three of them, and they could not be more disparate in appearance and still be Saiyajin. None of them wore any of the usual insignia of rank, making it impossible for me to instantly determine which one of them was the commander.

My gaze settled for a moment on the largest of the three. He was tall, muscular, and handsome - everything said to make the perfect Saiyajin. _::He must be the commander,::_ I thought automatically. But something about the obviousness of that conclusion stopped me, and I was reluctant to acknowledge him just yet.

My attention then drifted towards the other two, and I hesitated again. Of these two, one showed a serious tendency towards paunch, although I could see muscles of steel hidden under what appeared to be harmless flab. He was dangerous, I sensed that. I guessed that many would underestimate him, to their downfall. I decided I would _not_ be one of them.

_::Is he the commander?::_ I studied his face for a moment, taking in the expression of cunning and viciousness in his eyes, but remained uncertain, even as my gaze turned to the final occupant of the room.

I know I couldn't keep the start of surprise from showing on my face, before I managed to school myself back to my normal imperviousness. This one was... small. There is simply no other description I can give him. Although Saiyajin females tend to be very petite - smaller even than females of most other species - the same cannot be said of the males. Saiyajin males tower over nearly all warriors of other species; eight or nine foot Saiyajin are not unusual, and there are some even larger than that.

But this one, he had to be six and a half foot, at the most. _::Surely he can't have enough power to have advanced very far....::_

But even as I thought that, my gaze locked with his, and I felt a strange shock of recognition. Here was the leashed power I had sensed as I had entered the room. As I acknowledged this, I caught something in his eyes and in his bearing - a sense of confidence, of power, of determination.

And in that second, I knew which of these three was my new commanding officer.

"Commander Bardock." I saluted stiffly. "Private Celipa reporting for duty as ordered."

It seemed I had guessed his identity correctly, and in so doing had passed some sort of test. Bardock nodded, and waved towards the other two men in the room.

"Private Celipa." The tone of command in his voice was unmistakable. If I hadn't already figured out who he was, there was no question now. "This is Lieutenant Toma and Sergeant Panboukin, your new comrades. Do you understand why I requested you for my squad?"

I shook my head slowly, keeping my face impassive. This was my first real confirmation that my presence had indeed been requested, and that this was not some sort of punishment. I knew my attitude was disobedient at times - sometimes even openly rebellious - and I had been afraid I was going to be given some sort of punishment duty. I wasn't sure I should feel relieved yet, however. Many stories circulated about Bardock, and if the mildest were true, he was at least a harsh taskmaster. If some of the others were true... then he had a death wish, deliberately choosing suicide missions in the hope that one of them would someday kill him. I didn't think I wanted to go on one of those suicide missions.

Commander Bardock was watching me closely, but his expression told me little. "I've read the reports about you," he informed me, and my heart sank. Had he chosen me because other officers found me to be a problem, so I was considered expendable? I listened carefully as he continued.

"You seem to have been... bored in your assignments. What I would be offering you might help you eliminate some of your frustration and boredom, if you choose to accept it."

I couldn't help staring at him, and I blurted out before I had a chance to think, "Are you saying I have a choice?"

Bardock gave me a grim smile. "Not really. You do have the choice not to accept, but as your previous commanding officer has already been allowed to release you, that would leave you without a unit. With your record, you _might_ be able to get on Suicide Squadron...."

I couldn't help a grimace. 'Suicide Squadron' wasn't officially named that, but it was a very unpopular squadron to be assigned to. It was usually the first sent on the more hazardous missions, often without sufficient preparation. Needless to say, the casualty rate was high, and your life expectancy - once you joined it - was extremely low. Only the most recalcitrant and troublesome soldiers were sent there, as well as the worst criminals allowed in the military. I had almost expected my transfer orders to send me there, before I had learned they were telling me to report to Bardock.

"But perhaps you should hear what the choice is, before you decide." He leaned on the corner of the table as I eyed him warily. "As I said, I have seen your record. I've also read beneath it, seen things others haven't. You are a third class warrior, so your opportunity for advancement is limited. You are expected to obey any orders your commanding officers give you, no matter how demeaning.

"And yet, your power level is not that of a normal third class warrior. I've seen the tests run on you - your power is at least as high as a second-class warrior, and as high as some in first class. But you're forced to obey those who are weaker than you, simply because they outrank you."

_::How would he know that?::_ I tried not to let the surprise show on my face. I don't know if I was successful. Bardock realized - and accepted - that I was stronger than my supervisors? _::No Saiyajin is willing to accept that. Why...?::_

Bardock continued to smile knowingly at me as he interrupted my thoughts. "But if you believe you are the only one like this, you would be surprised. Both of my men - and myself - were all born third class. Yet, Toma here has a power level close to yours, and Panboukin's power level is up there with some of the higher first class. And I...."

He paused dramatically and pointed to me. "I am stronger than any elite you have ever met or will ever meet. There isn't a Saiyajin on the planet who could beat me in a fight, possibly not even the king himself."

My jaw dropped, as I was no longer able to hide my astonishment._ ::He's insane. Or he's delusional. He's dangerous, either way. I can't let him know....:: _Bardock interpreted my expression correctly, apparently, and smiled wryly.

"I assure you that I am neither insane nor delusional. If you do not believe me, please take the liberty of scanning me with your scouter. Go ahead, I won't punish you for the breach of protocol. Check it. See what it says."

Reluctantly I tapped my scouter, turning it on and focusing my vision on the numbers that flashed across the screen. _::That's impossible!::_ I thought, as I watched the numbers rise higher than they had a right to. I know my expression must have given away my thoughts, because Bardock chuckled in satisfaction.

"There are those among the elites who prefer to believe - and try to convince us at every opportunity - that our classes are fixed, that we can never break past those barriers. The four of us are living proof that this myth is a lie."

He leaned forward, and I caught an eager gleam in his eye. "What I offer you is a chance to join us, and help us become an elite team. What we do is take those missions that can offer us the greatest challenge, and earn us the greatest rewards. They are usually some of the more dangerous missions, but not always, and I believe with our team we would not have a problem dealing with them. And with this small of a team, the division of pay would be greater; we won't be sharing with twenty five other soldiers, as other squads do."

He leaned back, then, still giving me a predatory smile. "So. What do you say? Are you in?"

I stared at him, stunned by his words, my mind racing to absorb it all. In an effort to say something, anything, to keep myself from appearing inattentive, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"But I really don't have a choice, do I? It's either this suicide squad, or the 27th - the Suicide Squad. That's not exactly a wide range of selections...."

For a moment I expected Bardock to react to my rash and impertinent words with anger, the way all my previous commanding officers had in the past. Instead, he threw his head back and roared with laughter.

"I like you!" he declared with a chuckle. "Just for that, I will offer you a real choice. I would like for you to join my squad, but should you choose not to, I'll make sure there's an opening in another squadron for you, and _not_ the 27th. So, what's your decision?"

I studied him a moment, and glanced again at his two companions. Both men kept their faces impassive, but I could tell that Panboukin was slightly bored, yet Toma appeared curious, which surprised me somewhat.

I looked back at Bardock, and realized there was no decision; the only real decision had been made, when he had selected me.

"What's our first mission?" I quipped, trying to appear as self-confident as his two comrades.

Bardock grinned at me, looking immensely pleased with himself. "Why don't we go check the boards?"

~~~*~~~

On our first mission, I was sure that it would be a while before I was truly a part of the team. I thought the others might view me as an interloper and not accept me right away. To my surprise, it didn't take long at all. It seemed that Bardock's selection of each one of us had been very careful and methodical. Apparently both men had known from the start that he had still been researching others, just as he informed me that he was still looking at certain individuals with the intent of having them join our squad. I learned that it was his intent to build a double hand squad of elite-powered third-class warriors - still a much smaller squad than any other - so he could select the most profitable missions for us.

I also discovered that while Toma had been with Bardock for a while, Panboukin had joined only shortly before me. Bardock had made the decision about both of us at roughly the same time; it had just been a matter of opportunity to request us. He had found that if he waited until a desired soldier had completely alienated his commanding officers, they would be eager to let the warrior go, and Bardock could get him without a fight. He had learned to be patient, as well as careful, so his squad was still very small.

I will not deny that Bardock fascinated me. I had heard the rumours, and although I quickly learned that many were false, I was beginning to suspect that some might be true.

One thing all of us knew about him was that one did not discuss either the King or the Prince in his presence. His unswerving loyalty to the King was without question - I had once seen him almost tear a man apart for saying something that hinted of treason - but he refused to speak the King's name, and often became angry if someone else mentioned him. I never learned the reason for this, nor did any of my comrades. For all the loyalty and friendship the commander showed us, there were things about him we never learned.

On our second mission, I decided to change my relationship with Bardock. My attraction toward him had become almost painful to me; I had to do something about it. The Shokuseki of our people required that all warriors taking place in a battle engage in sexual relations the day before the battle. Our people had discovered long ago that doing so seemed to hone fighting ability, and it became first tradition - then one's duty - to use this to make us better fighters. I've been told that when Freeza first took us on as his main world-purgers, his scientists tried to disprove our belief, so did studies of Saiyajin and other races. But instead of disproving our notion, they only confirmed it. I've also been told that Freeza - when he learned of the results - made it a rule amongst his own warriors that they follow the same tradition. I don't think it went over as well with them; many seem to have objected to being forced to do something like this, viewing it as barbaric.

But to the Saiyajin, the ritual will always be essential to us. It is a way of releasing tension, building energy, and gaining camaraderie. And it is enjoyable to both partners; such pairings are never forced.

I approached the commander with my offer, and to my pleasure he accepted. To my disappointment, afterwards he seemed no different to me; there was no sign of any increased intimacy between us. Undeterred, I decided to try again before our next mission, but that didn't meet with as much success.

I had been with the squad for almost a month at this point. As was expected, I had become very familiar with the routes to his and the other squad members' quarters. We often spent our leisure time together, bonding as battle partners always did. For a Saiyajin, your squad becomes your family, replacing all but the strongest family ties of mate and child. While we still had less than a handful on the squad, we were a unit, and much of our time was spent in close proximity. This is, I think, a necessity for us; unless you can trust and care about your battle comrades, you can't be certain whether one will protect your back in battle.

The route to Commander Bardock's quarters was as familiar to me as the layout of my own quarters, and I reached them far too quickly for my own liking. _::Get a grip on yourself!::_ I reminded myself firmly, taking a deep breath the anxiety that wanted to wend its way forth. I disliked the feeling of nervousness in me; the commander had not seemed to encourage any intimacy between us even after having sex, but I had decided that if I were persistent, I might be able to change his mind. Shokuseki was a good excuse, so I was determined to use it.

I reached his door and knocked firmly, willing myself to be confident. It was only then that I heard noises from within, which I tried to deny to myself that they were what they sounded like. Without waiting for an answer, I opened the door carefully, and the scene that greeted me shattered all my hopes.

The commander was already engaged in Shokuseki, with a female Saiyajin who was obviously of a different squad. She seemed as enthusiastic as he was, at least from the little I saw. I was about to close the door, to pretend that I had never been here, had never seen this, when the commander turned his face towards me.

His expression sent me no doubt that he did not wish my presence. He looked straight at me, and there was an almost triumphant look on his face, as though he were glad I had seen this, as though it were intended to put me in my place in some manner. And then I knew, he didn't want anything further to do with me, not as anything other than a friend and battle comrade.

I felt humiliation wash over me; the commander's rejection of me was very clear. Without waiting for an explanation or apology - not that I would expect either from him - I fled down the hall blindly. I had no thoughts; there was nothing in me other than the urge to flee.

I don't have any idea where I was going. All I know is that I wanted to somehow escape my pain and shame, and to somehow pretend I had not been rejected. My plans - whatever they might have been - were canceled by a wall that suddenly appeared in my path, blocking me abruptly.

I almost fell at the unexpected impact, but then a pair of strong hands caught and held me firmly.

I looked up into the face of this living blockade of flesh, and to my surprise, saw the square, handsome face of Toma. We stared at each other - I'm not sure how long - somehow caught in something neither of us understood. I didn't even realize how long I had been gaping, until a tear escaped, making its way down one cheek.

Toma watched the tear, fascinated for some reason, but when he reached a thick, calloused finger and traced the trail it had left, something seemed to stir in me.

My eyes widened as I gazed at him. I could feel my heart pounding, and my pulse quickened. These sensations were not unfamiliar to me, but never before had they been instigated by a simple caress on my cheek.

I continued to stare up at Toma, somehow noticing for the first time how incredibly handsome he was, how attractive and muscular his build. I slapped myself mentally. How could I have been so blind that I never noticed it before? Had I been so caught up in my infatuation with Bardock that I had somehow never noticed Toma?

Something of my feelings must have shown in my face, for Toma gave a tiny smile, then leaned forward, gently kissing where my tears had been. I shivered at the contact, a gasp escaping my lips. Toma seemed to take that as all the encouragement he needed. I felt his large hand cup the back of my head as he lowered his lips to mine and kissed me.

A shudder wracked through my body at the contact, and I heard a strange moan. It was several seconds before I realized I was the one making the sound. The tingle that shot through me when his lips touched mine was so intense, I'm not sure I have words to describe it.

When Toma finally pulled away, I felt bereft, and heard a whimper tear from my throat at the loss of the contact. He smirked at me, a look of triumph and satisfaction on his face. It was one I had never seen on him before, and it made my knees feel wobbly and weak. I shivered, clutching at him, but before I could fall, he lifted me into his arms, cradling me like a baby as he turned and headed to his own apartments.

The warmth of his strong arms holding me close to that large expanse of chest was so incredibly comforting, yet when I looked up into his eyes I was once again filled with something that made me tingle strangely.

_::What is wrong with me?::_

I had never experienced something even close to this before. Always before, in my dealings with men, there had been equality; I had always been in control of the situation, never helpless like this.

And what had happened to the gentle, almost deferential Toma? Suddenly he had become the aggressor, the one leading, the one in control. How had our roles become reversed like this?

Yet, strangely, I didn't mind. I couldn't tear my eyes from his face as he carried me through the hallways. I heard, but only subconsciously noted, when we had reached his quarters and he locked the door behind us. He set me down then, and for the first time I saw a look of uncertainty pass over his features, as he looked down from where he towered over me.

And then I realized that for all his apparent assurance, he was as uncertain of me as I had been of Bardock. I wasn't entirely sure where this doubt came from, but I suspected it might have been from my infatuation with the commander. I had never been particularly subtle about it, which may have been why he had chosen to reject me in such a blatant manner.

_::Why am I doing this? What is it I want from him? What does he want from me?:: _I was suddenly hesitant. Was this just the result of Bardock's rejection? Was I just going with Toma as a means of comfort from the rejection? Was that all it was?

I stared into his deep brown eyes and questioned my motives, even as I searched his face for answers. And then it came to me - what I had felt out in the hallway had been no mere desire for reassurance. Something unique had happened out there, something powerful and necessary. I didn't know what it was, but I wasn't going to let it go without at least exploring it.

_::Yes,:: _I thought to myself. With a small smile, I slipped my shoulder straps off and stepped toward him. As Toma crushed me to him, kissing me roughly and avidly, I knew I had made the right decision.

~~~*~~~

After that night, Toma and I met for the Shokuseki every time. At first those were the only times we mated, but after five or six missions, we found ourselves pulled into such encounters even when on leave. I'm not sure when we became mates, but when Panboukin made a comment one night about whether it would be easier to find us in my quarter's or Toma's, I realized that was what had happened. Somewhere along the line it had gone from mere passion to being mates.

Bardock didn't approve of our relationship. He was still the same as ever with both of us - our friend and our commander - but I don't think he liked the idea of any of his soldiers forming a permanent relationship with anyone. He never said anything directly about it, however, until one night right after a purging.

"Celipa," he said roughly, catching me alone with the other two were still picking loot from the bodies of our enemies. "I want to talk to you about Toma."

My eyebrows arched in surprise. "Do you disapprove?" I asked acidly, sounding more bitter than I knew I had the right. _::He rejected you, girl. But he's still your friend. And you have Toma. You're happy with him, aren't you?::_ Of course I am, I thought back, stilling the voice.

Bardock's lips pulled back in a snarl. "You two can stay together if you want. I won't stop you. But I don't want you to bond with each other."

I stared at him, stunned by the comment. I knew bonding could happen to couples, but I didn't think it was going to happen to Toma and myself. It was too rare; there was no reason to think it would happen with us.

"Why?" I asked bluntly, my eyes narrowing. _::What right does he have to dictate what Toma and I do?::_

Bardock growled, and I knew that something was bothering him on a deeper level than he would admit. "It's a weakness. I don't want you trapped by that weakness. You're both too good of soldiers."

I bared my own teeth, suddenly set to fight him. I knew on a subconscious level that he would win, but it didn't matter. He had attacked what was between Toma and myself, and instinctively I couldn't let it slide.

"That's none of your business!" I snarled back. "What we have between us is for us alone!"

"It is my business!" he insisted angrily. "I don't want to see it destroy you!"

"Destroy us!" I scoffed. "How could it destroy us?"

"My parents bonded!" he burst out furiously, apparently now completely lost in his anger. "And it killed them! Do you want it to kill you?"

I stared at him as he stormed off in both anger and shame, my anger abated by the seriousness of his words. Their bonding had killed them? I was stunned. I realized then that this had been why Bardock had rejected me before, why since then I had never seen him have more than single encounters with any female. _::He's afraid of getting close to anyone. He's afraid of bonding! But why did he say it killed them?::_

I knew most Saiyajin view bonding as a weakness. When one of a Mated pair dies, the other usually follows in some form, either through suicide or madness, or just wasting away. It is considered a dishonorable form of death, to die out of battle that way, so bonding is to be avoided at all costs. But what had Bardock meant?

Disturbed, I knew I had to talk to one of the others. I didn't approach Panboukin. Although he was our comrade, and I spent as much time with him as I did with Bardock, neither Toma nor I had ever grown particularly comfortable with him. I couldn't imagine asking him something like this and feeling at ease about it.

It was Toma I turned to, when we were alone in our quarters that night.

"Toma," I said softly, running my finger down his arm. He caught my hand in his and kissed it, thinking I was being playful. I was too intent on my question though to let him deter me.

"Toma, do you understand why Bardock is afraid of bonding?"

Toma laughed at that. I loved his laugh - it was a deep, solid rumble, so much like both a purr and a growl, I felt like I was cuddling up to a giant torka cat. "What makes you think he's afraid of it?" he asked teasingly.

"He told me today that he doesn't want us to bond. He says his parents bonded, and it killed them."

The playful smile on his face faded, as he stared at me incredulously. "They were killed?"

I nodded, and he blinked in confusion for a moment.

"My parents were bonded, too," he mused, almost off-handedly. I stared at him, and he seemed to come back to himself. "But I think it might have been different for them than it was for his parents. They showed me that even though other Saiyajin think bonding is bad, they didn't find it so. Others say bonding is a weakness, but they said it made them stronger. I haven't seen them in years, but I know they're still alive, because I check the logs every now and then for them. Bonding made them stronger. I know it did. And that's something I would like someday as well."

I didn't respond to what was obviously a hint, but was lost in a sudden realization. My parents had also been bonded. I know bonding isn't a very common thing, so the fact that all three of us were born of bonded unions must mean something, I was sure of it. I heard once that the offspring of a bonded pair are stronger than other brats. I had believed that legend nothing but nonsense, simply an old wives' tale meant to try to expiate the sin of a bonding. But now I wondered. Could it explain why our power levels were so unusually high compared to others of our class? Could it be that it is a mistake for Saiyajin to avoid bonding so adamantly?

Could it be that bonding is _necessary_ for Saiyajin?

I said nothing to Toma about my sudden insight. I looked up into his strong, handsome face, and knew abruptly that the two of us _were_ bonding. Bardock might not approve of us being Mates, but there wasn't anything either he or we could do about it. If we were bonding, then so be it. There was no way to fight nature.

And I didn't want to fight it. As his arms drew me closer to his large, warm body, I knew that Toma was right for me. Bonding was right for us. Fighting it would be foolish, and wouldn't accomplish anything. I thought even Bardock would realize that, if faced with it in finality.

I smiled at Toma, and showed him how I felt.

~~~*~~~

I was right about how Bardock would react. The bonding became complete a few weeks after I started to feel it forming, and one night Toma and I completed the rituals to make it official. When Bardock discovered this the next day he was furious, but although his face and stance showed his disapproval, he said and did nothing.

Despite his disapproval, he treated us no differently from before. Panboukin, of course, didn't care. I don't think he cares about anything except fighting and killing.

A few months after Toma and I had bonded, Totepo joined our squad. He was one whom Bardock had been watching for some time, but had not had the opportunity to net him. Totepo - unlike Panboukin and myself - had never been rebellious or defiant. His power level was also not as high as ours, although it was significantly higher than third class. Bardock said he fell firmly within second class, not close to first class like my own and Toma's.

But that wasn't the reason he was interested in Totepo. The warrior, although not intelligent like Panboukin, possessed an enormous strength, which Bardock said could be tremendous if tapped properly. He intended to make use of it, and had studied how it worked, and said he felt that the other Saiyajin could be an asset with the right approach.

I had my doubts when we met him, but I said nothing to Bardock. Totepo was not merely below average in intelligence, he was positively dim-witted. But after seeing Bardock use him in battle, and seeing how certain situations can cause a tremendous spike in Totepo's power, I began to understand Bardock's strategy. Totepo might not be clever, but he obeys orders, and his great strength has gotten us out of many situations without sustaining nearly as much damage as we might have.

About three months after Totepo joined us we were informed that Bardock's encounter with the female the night he had rejected me had resulted in a pregnancy, and the child would be born within a month. The mother, as was usual with female Saiyajin warriors, had no interest in carrying the child to term, so had it put in an incubation chamber. Its power levels were gauged at that time, and to my surprise - as well as the rest of the team's - the infant had a power level that indicated it would be one of the lowest on the planet.

Bardock's disgust cannot even be expressed. When Bardock received the official notice of the brat, we all read the letter that was sent to him.

"Look," Toma commented, reading one of the lines. "The mother doesn't want him, so his guardianship is going to you."

Bardock snorted derisively. "Why would _**I**_ want him? His power level is one of the lowest ever recorded for a Saiyajin! He's useless for anything other than the weakest planets."

"He's your son," I pointed out in surprise. "Aren't you going to claim him?"

Bardock wrinkled his nose. "No. The government can have him."

We all knew what that meant. When a Saiyajin child is born, his mother has first claim on him. If she chooses not to raise the child, the father has the right to take him. If neither parent is interested in claiming the child, the government acquires it, and raises it how they want to.

With this infant's power level, it would be used for only one thing. It would be sent in a pod to a weak planet. If the child survived the initial landing, and managed to survive for the next few days, the pod would project the image of a full moon, turning the infant Oozaru, so it would go berserk and destroy all life on the planet. It was a crude, yet effective, method our people often used, generally with the weakest of unwanted children, those not claimed by their parents because they were ashamed of how feeble they were.

It was effective, yet most of those infants didn't survive even if they were successful. Some survived until they went Oozaru, but after that stage passed, and they were back in an infant's form, they had no way of hunting game, or finding food, or even of fending off any remaining attackers. Very few of those infants survived those purgings.

That was what Bardock was condemning his son to.

It was not my place to judge, however. And if I had a child with a low power level like that, I might even do the same. It was difficult for me to imagine, but until I was in that situation, I knew I was in no position to criticize.

It was almost a month later - right before we started our purge on Kanassa - that we learned of his son's birth. It was also then that we learned the name that the medics had assigned the child - Kakarotto. It was apparently a name from his mother's side of the family. The medics preferred to use tradition, pulling names from the family of one of the parents of any infant placed in their care. Bardock didn't seem to care.

I remember seeing the surge of anger on Bardock's face when reminded of his son. I had no idea why this news infuriated him so. There was something beneath his anger, something I didn't understand. He seemed... sad about something. Almost desperate. I had no idea about what, or why. I decided I would find out later.

The 'later' arrived earlier than expected. We took care of the Kanassans in fairly short order. Bardock seemed particularly vicious, his attacks not possessing his usual finesse and style. I think he was releasing all his pent up rage on the aliens of this planet, as though to prove that even if he did have a low class son, he was still the strongest warrior on Vegeta-sei.

After we had completed the purge, we chose to rest and eat in a large crater Panboukin had created in a fit of rage. Panboukin was fussing angrily over a large cut on his cheek. I knew it would develop into a scar unless we got to a regeneration tank soon. But that injury would be considered low priority, so unless there were no pressing injuries on other soldiers, he was probably going to have a souvenir of this adventure. I think that was why Panboukin was so irritated; he knew there was nothing much he could do.

As Panboukin continued to fuss with the cut, Toma glanced over at Bardock, where he lay on the ground, apparently lost in thought.

"So, Bardock," Toma began, turning from the husky warrior. "Don't you think you went a little over the top, even celebrating your son's birth?"

"Celebrating my son's birth?" Bardock spat irritably. "What a ridiculous suggestion!"

I could hear the anger in his voice, but I decided to press what had been nagging at me since we had heard the news.

"We're finished on this planet. Why don't you head back to Vegeta-sei and meet him?" I wasn't sure he would accept my suggestion, but I was curious how he would react. I couldn't understand his complete hostility towards his son. Surely he had _some_ feeling for the infant.

"To see a lowest-class warrior without any promise at all?" His voice was incredulous, and he sat up abruptly. He spat the weed he had been chewing out of his mouth and glared at me. "What kind of fool would make that trip? And who asked you what I should be doing anyhow?"

"Hn." I refused to take the bait, my expression unchanging from the feigned indifference I showed. Inside my emotions were churning; just _why_ was Bardock behaving this way? "I see," I replied softly.

But I didn't see. I would find out why he hated his son. What possible reason could there be?

But I never had a chance to pursue it. Uninterested in Bardock's filial obligations - and probably sensing his desire not to discuss it - Toma and Panboukin shifted the conversation over to our taking of the planet. None of us knew what Freeza had wanted from Kanassa. The destruction we had caused - and that he must have known we would cause - would preclude getting much in the way of natural resources, unless they were the kind that would be mined from under the soil. We had wiped out the entire population of the planet and much of the wildlife; any natural resources depending on those would be gone.

Or so we assumed, at least. To our surprise, one of the Kanassans was still alive, although from his appearance that was only a matter of time. Before we managed to send him to his final resting place, he managed to do something to the commander, something that caused him to go unconscious for about a minute. The strange thing was that none of us could see that Bardock had been struck with any force. It appeared that the creature had simply touched him, spouted some sort of nonsense about having to see his future in ruins, and then had done some sort of harm to the commander. We had no idea what, but Bardock passed out again a few minutes later, and we knew we were going to have to get him to a regen tank.

After getting Bardock into a tank on Vegeta-sei, Toma noted that a job we had been waiting for was finally open. It was one Bardock had been hungering over for a while, so Toma signed off the job without hesitation. We knew that Bardock would join us as soon as he was healed. But we weren't going to let this choice job slip by. We could handle it on our own; Bardock had trained us well.

The job itself didn't really take very long. I have no idea why it had been considered such a difficult assignment by Freeza's forces. We took care of the planet easily - only resorting to Oozaru form for the final encore, not because we needed to, but because we wanted to - and we were celebrating and resting as usual when everything suddenly went wrong.

None of us saw the beam that sliced through the air and took out Totepo. He was gone before we could react, his head severed from his body and rolling like a child's toy. We reacted immediately, of course, our senses instantly alert, as we jumped to our feet, ready to fight whoever had attacked us.

We fought, oh yes, but it wasn't enough. We were strong, but whoever had been sent here, they were definitely stronger.

We had no idea who these attackers were at first. They were fast, powerful, far stronger than any of the natives of this planet. I knew they were from off-planet like us, but who were they? And why were they here?

Our questions were answered when their leader made himself known. As the fat, ugly form of Dodoria came forward, I felt bile rise in my throat. If Dodoria was attacking us, it meant one of three things. Either Dodoria was betraying Freeza, and attacking all who worked for him, or Freeza felt that we had disobeyed him in some manner or had been rebellious, and was punishing us, or Freeza had betrayed us, and had decided we were of no further use to him.

The latter, of course, was unthinkable. We all assumed that Dodoria was going against Freeza's orders, that he was going on his own initiative, and had betrayed his master. It was to our great astonishment that Dodoria boasted to us that Freeza had ordered him to kill us.

We were bewildered by this. What reason would Freeza have to kill us? It made no sense. Had we not always done as he had wanted? None of us understood it. 

But we did understand one thing. If we didn't fight as if our lives were on the line, we would be dead in seconds.

I think Panboukin lost it then. He had always been slightly unstable, too vicious to be entirely trusted. When he realized how we had been betrayed from all the promises made to our people, he went berserk. It was only seconds before Dodoria finished him off, sending a ki blast directly through his heart.

Now it was only Toma and myself left. We gave each other a grim look, trying to express in just the time that we knew was left to us all of the unspoken feelings we had for each other. I had never had the chance to tell Toma how much he meant to me. Would I ever get that chance? Or were we going to die?

As one, the two of us shifted side by side, prepared to do what we could to cover the other's back. I know it must have appeared an odd sight. Toma was at least eight feet tall as were many Saiyajin males, and I was a normal Saiyajin female, slightly less than five feet tall. I knew that my appearance would cause our enemies to misjudge me and underestimate me, and I could use that to my advantage.

I did manage to use it to my advantage for a few short minutes, taking out several of Dodoria's men before they stopped me. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough; it wasn't nearly enough.

I cried out when I felt a shaft of pain in my shoulder, and realized that I had been fatally wounded. I could feel my lifeblood draining from me, my energy ebbing along with it.

I looked up at where Toma stood, and saw him turn towards me, his face a mask of shock. He could feel my pain, could feel me dying, and suddenly I understood what Bardock had told us. Toma would feel my death, and with it would come his own. He wouldn't be able to live without me, now that we were bonded. And feeling my death might even drive him insane; he might not want to live, even if he could.

I felt a vague regret for that. And yet, at the same time, I felt relief. I wished there were some way he would be able to survive this, but I knew it wasn't going to happen anyway. Dodoria was too powerful. He was one of Freeza's elites, and far stronger than even the strongest Saiyajin. He was probably stronger than Bardock as well. I didn't know this for certain, but I suspected it might be so.

I smiled at Toma, trying to reassure him as I sank to my knees. I could feel his grief wash over me, the pain of his loss driving deep into his heart.

_::Hush, my love,:: _I told him, using the telepathy all Saiyajin have in rudimentary form, but which so few of us ever bother to use. _::I am not gone. I am here, with you. Can't you feel me, Love? Can't you sense me?::_

_::Yes.::_ His mental voiced was anguished, thick with grief._ ::But you'll be gone soon. I won't let you die!::_

_::You don't have a choice, Love.::_ I knew my approaching death was making me view things differently, although I didn't understand why. Why was I accepting this so easily? Why wasn't I angrier that I was dying? I wasn't, and I didn't understand it. Yet it seemed completely natural, and I didn't try to fight it.

_::Toma, my love, just remember, that no matter what happens, I will be with you. And I will be waiting for you, wherever I go. I'll be there waiting for you when you arrive.::_

_::I don't think it will be very long,::_ he replied somewhat grimly, his attention torn from me and back to the warriors surrounding him. _::I'm not going to be able to fight them forever.::_

I summoned my last reserves of energy, and a small smile graced my lips, curving them upwards. _::I know. I wish we'd had longer together, Toma. Maybe we will, in another life.::_

_::Yes. Maybe we will,::_ he replied, and I could feel the grief overwhelming him again.

My own energy slowly ebbed, and I could no longer concentrate on watching him fight. I was glad the commander wasn't here. There was no point in him dying as well. Maybe by being elsewhere he would find out what had happened and would find a way to avenge us. That was important to me, I realized, but not the greatest priority. I realized suddenly that the one thing I wished I could change was the chance to tell Toma what I felt about him. I summoned the last reserves of energy I had to send him one final message.

_::I love you, Toma. I wish there had been more time....::_

~~~*~~~

**EPILOGUE**

We wait on this planet, the four of us, and we have no idea why we are here. We _know_ we died - I saw Panboukin and Totepo die with my own eyes, and I felt my life force drain from me - yet we are here now.

We don't completely understand what happened. 

No, scratch that. We don't understand _anything_ that happened.

We know Freeza betrayed us. After we came back from... wherever it was we were, Toma told the rest of us that Dodoria had boasted to him that Freeza wanted all Saiyajin dead. Somehow Bardock had found his way to the planet before Toma had died, and Toma was able to relay the information to him.

We don't know what happened after that. Did Bardock defeat them? Or did they kill Bardock? I have no idea, nor do any of the others. All we know is that we are alive, on this planet. And we are alone.

The strange thing is that when we came back to life - and we are sure that much of what happened - so apparently did the natives of this planet. They remembered, of course, that we had killed them before, and we had to fight them all over again. This time, unlike the first time, our hearts weren't really into it. I suppose being dead must change your perspective a little. All we really want to do is understand what happened to us, we didn't feel like having to cause more deaths.

Now we're alone, having had to kill all the natives of this planet a second time. The planet looks strangely different from before, more worn, if anything. I don't understand how this could be. It's almost as though years have passed since we died. But how is that possible?

Then again, how is it possible for us to be alive? We were dead. If there's anything beyond death - be it heaven, or hell, or reincarnation as some races believe - what does it mean happened to us? Why would we be back in our own bodies? And why would the natives of this planet have been the same?

We don't have any answers, and I think that for all the searching we've been doing - at least, that Toma and I have been doing - I don't think we're going to find any. Totepo doesn't seem to really care about any of it, but he was never very intelligent. Panboukin... I think something snapped in him when we died. He had never been particularly sane before, and I think he's even less so now. I keep a wary eye out when I'm around him, and never leave my back unguarded. I don't _think_ he would do anything stupid, but one can never tell.

We haven't been able to find a way off this planet. None of us understand enough about technology to figure out how to use any of the equipment that belonged to the natives, or even to tell if any of it is in good enough condition to try to get it working again. Many of the machines seem oddly rusted or decayed, and might not even be fixable. We have been desperately trying to get at least one rocket or space pod working so one of us can get off planet, if only to bring help for the others. But even our own space pods are strangely corroded, as though they had been exposed to the elements for many years.

But despite our confusion, despite the strangeness of being alone on an alien planet, I am not unhappy. After having died, I suddenly realize that fighting isn't the most important thing in the world. Things may be lonely here, and strange, but I have Toma. This time I will not make the mistake of not telling him how I feel. I tell him every day that I love him. At first he was surprised by it, but now he's grown used to it, and even finds pleasure in hearing the words.

He tells me constantly that he loves me as well. The glow of joy that spreads through me at those words is amazing. Before I would never have known how much those words could mean to me, but now everything is different.

But we are not on Vegeta-sei, and our child - whether it will be a son or a daughter - is going to be born from me live. It is strange, being pregnant, when no female of my race has had a live birth in centuries. Yet I feel I am ready for this. And our child will be different from other Saiyajin children. She - for I feel in my heart that this child will be a rare Saiyajin female - will know that her parents love each other, and that we love her as well. For I will not treat her and raise her the way I was raised, the way I know the others were raised. Life is too short for that, as I learned before. 

I am being given a second chance with the man I love, given a chance to have a child of my own, and I will not throw it away.

Life is too short for that. Even with second chances.

_~~~OWARI~~~_


End file.
